Cigarettes Make Me Happy

Okay, now that I'm doing a little bit better when I have my Debbie Downer days I have no idea how to deal with them or what to do with myself. I'm glad I'm kind of better but  at the same time those Debbie Downer days come on really strong and I usually end up wanting to hug him but I don't wanna bother him at the same time.

What I should Do:
Solitaire- My real best friend, she has never left my side (yet) and she's always there for me through the hard times or even when I'm bored.
Movie (Comedy)- She's there for me most of the time but when she talks I zone in and out and sometimes can't listen to her full stories.
'What's On Your Mind?' Blog- My new Friend I hope she helps me organize my thought and ideas about things because I know that does help me sometimes.

wow I'm really lame for having inanimate objects as "friends" but I just don't want to bother my real friends with this nonsense. It's just not worth bringing up.

Wishes:
-a chocolate bar
-the Regular show to be on right now but Family Guy works too
-a 7up or coke

I have also decides that I am going to stop drinking soda and to try my hardest to be healthy (this is going to be hard). Recently I had a gym assignment to write down everything I have eaten for the past week and looking back at the list I an shocked at how I am 97 pounds and 18 years old I just don't understand. I thought i could gain weight by eating gross unhealthy foods (well gross but tasty you know) but instead it just makes me break out and makes me look like a skinny pig.. I guess? So day one starts tomorrow without drinking any soda and trying to be healthy. Lets see if I can do it!

Old Friends Are True Friends

The friends I have now are great and the boyfriend I have is greater but this life style isn't going to last forever. My friends are going to college my boyfriends going to India and I'm going to be stuck here by myself in the worst town to be stuck in. So what am I going to do? This was one of the reasons I just wanted to end it all my life and everything but now that I don't feel that way anymore (which is a good thing) I just look pathetic.

Now that I'm not depressed I still feel hopeless about my future, I have nothing, well I have everything right now but not for long. I can't depend on my parents and friends now to be there for me all the time because they're not going to be there for ever. *I wish I had a plan for myself in the future one that will work and one that's practical.

I don't want to be selfish though so one of my other wishes is *for my boyfriend to go to India, I just can't stay with him while he's there though it would hurt too much. And he would probably find someone better any way. I mean it already hurts now and feels like we're in a long distant relationship since he lives 45 minutes away. I wish it was easy to get over someone you love because I feel like that's what I am going to have to do if he leaves.

This week i better join a gym or else i'm gonna look really gross soon *I wish I had a 6 pack not a manly one though just one that actually looks like i care about my appearance. If you would look at me now you probably couldn't tell that I do care.

I need to get my mind off of things right now, he tells me not to worry about India yet, but I can't help it. If  he goes, so do I. I really don't want to but I just couldn't stand being away from him. And I know he's not really "lovey dovey" but I am and really sensative and I would fall apart without him even though he probably wouldn't or not show it I don't know. To distract myself I'm going to write a new play I made up actually I  dreamed about it the other night:
Summery:

Women captures many children to make money in an orphanage when kids are adopted they are captured again to be put back in the orphanage, two escape out of the huge walls into the village where one of them falls in love with a vendor, the vender helps them to escape and to get help. But to get help the have to travel a long way to the state government where the old lady finds them and tries to capture them again. They get away and the secret of the horrible orphanage is revealed and all of the kids are freed.

( I know the dreams really weird but w.e. it's something to do)
What I'd Wish For Right Now:
-To get a job and not screw up at it
-To go back in time and actually apply to some colleges
-*I wish I had a plan for myself in the future
-*for my boyfriend to go to India
-*I wish I had a 6 pack

If I had a Fairy from the Fairly Odd Parent's

If I had a Fairy from the Fairly Odd Parent's I would be the happiest person ever which would cure my depression, make me more fun, outgoing, and get me motivated to do more things again. I probably would also be happy because I would always have someone with me to talk to at all times because I now hate being alone. I never want to bother anyone just because I'm lonely so i refrain from calling my friends or my boyfriend.

This isn't in any kind of order in fact the last part is more important than what I want for myself
What I would wish for:
-to be 100% healthy
-to have motivation to work out and to do other stuff
-to be more outgoing/fun
-money for college and such
-Snookie's new book
-to meet Vinny from the Jersey Shore
-a stuffed animal of Brian from Family Guy, a stuffed animal of Meant Wad from Aqua Teen Hunger Force
-to be a good singer and actually get shows booked and some fans
-to have a flat in London I can go to escape to
-a horse, 3 or 4 chickens, a goat, a cow, sheep
-to meet all of the celebs I love (Jonas Brothers ect.)
-he would never leave me, we never fought, we trusted each other, we didn't have any other problems
-he had more money and more love in his life
-wish he was happy with himself and had a better job
-I wish he was 100% healthy too
************************************************************************